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rigor mortis

I was taking a long drive with a few friends. We stopped at a gas station for drinks and bathroom. While we were getting back into the car my friend and I were rough housing. A girl behind us said, "You guys are gonna die!" This girl had just told us the day before that her mother had died through tragic circumstances. My friend replied quickly with an age old joke. "Your mom's gonna die!" I didn't see his face. I wish I had. Instead, I tried to top him. I said, "Yeah! She's already dead, and rigor mortis is setting in!" Immediately I remembered about her mom and saw my friend's face. He was terrified. I looked away from her as fast as possible, put my headphones on and avoided eye contact with her for the rest of the trip. I felt like a monster, and I still don't like thinking about it. David - TN

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made you look

Long, long ago, some time in elementary school, I was walking home from school with my friend Rachel Smith and her older brothers. It was back in the day when it was popular to trick people by pointing at something and then immediately saying "made you look!" after they looked to see what you were pointing at. That day, I decided to impress everyone with my wit and charm by pulling this clever trick on them. I decided that I was going to point at the next car that drove by us and say "Hey, that's Bob Jones!" (a man who went to our church and was a close friend to the Smith family). As soon as the next car drove by I mistakenly yelled out "Hey, that's Bob Smith! Made you look!" No one was laughing, and then my heart sank. I realized that not only had I said the wrong name, I said the name of their dad who had passed away just the year before! Emily - Los Angeles, CA

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the result was positive

Walking into a executive building at 17 years old, only for the purpose of wandering the halls to look for the office that does the free pregnancy tests is awkward enough in itself. After finding the office and meeting with the nice counselor, I was sent to the ladies room to get a "sample." Since the ladies room was downstairs I had to go back out of the office, into the hallway and then down the large spiral staircase which was located in the center of the building, the one that everyone used. Carrying my clear plastic cup was easier to conceal than it would be coming back up. Exiting the restroom, starting back up the stairs, there was no hiding the see-through 6 oz. cup of liquid which loudly indicated dehydration. It was at least 3/4 full. The worst part came about 15 seconds later and I am pretty sure it happened in slow motion. That's how I remember it anyway. As I began to lose balance, I panicked at the thought of spilling some of the contents. In trying to balance the cup, I lost further control of not only myself but also the cup which flew into the air and eventually landed.  I am sure the counselor thought that I must have left since it took me several trips to the bathroom, realizing that I still needed more brown paper towels. Avoiding eye contact with anyone, I finished cleaning and carried my empty cup back into the office. After explaining to her what happened, she took the empty cup from me, looked inside it and responded cheerfully, "Oh this will be enough. We only need a drop." Cally - Texas

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junior high is awesome...

This story is when I was about 12 years old and in the 6th grade. One night I had spent the night at my friends house.I had a crush on her brother so it makes this story even more traumatic. When we woke up in morning I had to pee VERY bad. This family only had one bathroom and it was occupied. I tried to hold it but could not and peed my pants. I was in their CARPETED dining room. To make matters worse as soon as it happened their little bitty dog came over and started to lick my leg. I had to ride my bike home with pee all over me. Junior High is AWESOME. Vania - TX

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devil child

When I was about eight or nine I went to a birthday party at a friends house, we did all the birthday stuff and then her mum announced it was movie time, we all piled into the lounge room and she put on Home Alone, I'd watched it already with my parents and we all had a great laugh at it(it was a really funny movie at the time!) so we all sit watching the movie and her mum is in the room watching it with us(while she's doing her ironing?!) the bit comes to when Macauley has rigged up all the traps and the criminals are getting slapped all over the place, so I start laughing at the guy who has an iron fall on his face(it's a comedy!!) and suddenly my friends mum goes crazy, she starts shouting at me..'Do you think that's funny? Do you?? DO YOU!???! You think someone getting an iron smashed in their face is funny?? What sort of a child are you, I don't know how your parents raised you but laughing at something like that, it's disgusting, I can't believe it'...all the other kids are staring at me like I'm the devil, I feel like him as my face is so hot and red from embarassment and THEN we all have to continue watching the movie in silence, she doesn't turn it off or anything or express resentment at the movie makers...just me. DEVIL CHILD! O_o Tanya -  Belfast

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is this your sister?

I was about 12 years old, a little chubby with chin length hair and the self-esteem of a twelve year old. I went with my mom to my younger sister's school track and field day. I was sitting on a blanket when my sister's friend and her mother walked over. The girl's mother smiled at me and asked loudly to my sister, "Oh Becca, is this your sister?" I don't think I said anything, and I certainly didn't smile. I got my hair cut off within a day or two. micah the admin

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little injustices

It was third grade summer break and my family went on vacation to visit relatives and friends. We had dinner with some old friends of my parents from way back when. I didn't know them but because their daughter was my age it seemed appropriate to everybody else to send us both to her room for hours so the grownups could talk. It was a large house and a bit ritzy, and even though it was nighttime they didn't have the lights on in the halls or anything. For some reason the ritziness and the darkness made it all seem like a fancy haunted house to me. We played for a bit and then my new "friend" decides to watch a movie. She takes me to some room upstairs where the lights are all off and throws in a movie. I forget which. But as we're sitting together in the dark room a preview comes up for "Hocus Pocus" - a Disney film about the three witch sisters who say "Double, double, toil and trouble" and all that. My eight year old "friend" starts spontaneously SCREAMING. So I start screaming! I was thoroughly freaked out to be in a strange house in a dark room with a strange (and I also suspected spoiled) little girl next to me screaming. We frantically try to find the door in the black room, and as we get to the door knob our parents have already bolted up the stairs to save us from whatever it is that's making us yell like lunatics. The lights go on and my little friend recovers and then starts laughing. "She just started screaming for no reason, so I did too. She was probably afraid of the movie," she tells her parents. I was in tears from being so rattled and furious and I just couldn't get the words out to tell anyone that she was lying. I was humiliated. Beth the Other Admin

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three horrible thanksgiving memories

When I think of Thanksgiving, I’m surprised that I still like to get together with people after some real awkward times.  The “holiday season” should be filled with “holiday cheer”, but a number of times it wasn’t for me. One time I was with my family for Thanksgiving.  It hadn’t happened very often because I many times have had to travel the longest distance of my family to get together with them.  This time one of our youngest had just received horrible news from someone at school:  Santa Claus didn’t exist.  The child cried and cried.  Many of my family said that this other person was lying, was stupid, and were convincing her that Santa does exist.  That was the Thanksgiving mood at the time I arrived. Just before we served the meal, I was confronted with the question.  “So, do you think that person was right in saying that Santa doesn’t exist?” I asked back, “Well, does he exist or not?  Is it better to say the truth about him or not?” “What?!  You’d allow someone to say something to destroy someone’s Christmas?!  You’d allow someone to totally tear down a child’s hopes and dreams?  You know how much she cried?  You know how close we came to having her Christmas totally ruined?” Oops.  One person was so upset and angry that it upset and angered another.  And because this second family member was upset and angry, it ticked off another, and then another.  That’s right – it was a huge family domino effect. So, I got to sit down to a Thanksgiving meal with just about everyone mad at me.  Somehow the food just didn’t taste all that great that night. ____________ There was a time at Thanksgiving that I couldn’t be with my family.  An elderly lady felt sorry for me and said I could travel to her place and share the Thanksgiving meal and time with her family.  Unfortunately, she didn’t share with me about how her daughter felt, who was totally against my being there. It seemed to be okay when I got there.  I had a nice, peaceful chat with my friend.  We went to church later on that evening.  There I got to see her daughter, who ignored me when I saw her.  I was surprised by that. After my friend and I got back to her house, her daughter didn’t say hello to me, but was visibly upset.  “Why are you here? ...

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your dad is in the hospital
May 17th, 2010 by micah the admin

a "special" christmas dinner
Apr 25th, 2010 by micah the admin

Several years ago my family and I had the most awkward Christmas dinner. It was the year that my grandparents decided they would treat us all to a special dinner at one of their favorite restaurants.
When we arrived at the restaurant, it was packed. Completely busy, but we weren’t worried. My grandpa had made a very special reservation several days prior to have a private room for the whole family to dine in. Our confidence in the reservation was short lived as we found out the staff had made a mistake and had already given the room to another party. So instead of our nice private room, they put a bunch of tables together and stuck us in the bar. Fabulous.
So after an hour or so passes, we get our meals and we’re eating and enjoying our time. Suddenly, an old man, who was sitting in the booth behind us, falls out of his seat onto my brother, passed out. Now, the old man is on the ground, not breathing and his wife is hysterically crying (which also made my cousin cry). My aunt decides this guy needs some sort of help (he was choking) and so she socks him in the stomach! A nurse, who was sitting at the bar, yells at my aunt, runs over, pushes her out of the way and starts doing CPR and the Heilmlich maneuver. Next thing I know, paramedics rush past me, revive the old man, and roll him out on a gurney…all while we’re eating dinner.
That was enough drama for Christmas dinner, right? Probably not.  As we’re all trying to calm each other down and get back to enjoying dinner, the restaurant keeps getting more and more crowded by the minute. Apparently there was no more room to sit in the waiting area, so this strange old man decides to sit down right next to me on the booth/bench thing I was on. I was totally creeped out..and for a long time none of my family even noticed this old man sitting right next to me at our table. Finally, my grandpa saw the guy and says to him, ” I don’t think you’ve met my granddaughter, her name is Emily.” It was totally awkward. After awhile, the man left and I thought that had to be the end of our crazy night. Nope.
There were crowds and crowds of people waiting to eat. What made it worse was that the service was completely slow. My cousin didn’t even get her meal until everyone else was eating dessert. Anywho, as my family was trying to finish up dinner and dessert, an angry old man starts pacing throughout the restaurant, yelling at each table, “YOU EAT AND YOU LEAVE!” We loved that. What a merry Christmas!

Emily – CA

almost lovers
Apr 25th, 2010 by micah the admin

I remember reluctantly going early to help prepare my great-uncle’s house for his 80something birthday last summer. There was this gorgeous girl helping with the food. I figured she was around my age and I wanted to “talk” to her and possibly get her number. My trip might end up not being a total waste, I thought. She was around my aunt a lot and the way they were talking it was like my aunt raised her or something but I was sure she wasn’t her child. Anyways, this girl was really good-looking, no joke, so I finally see her alone and I muster up the courage to go talk to her. And so it went …
Me: “Hey”
Her: “Hey ”
… long awkward pause
Me: *I point to my aunt* “Do you know Aunt Flo?”
Her: “She’s my aunt”
Me: “oh … that’s cool” … another awkward pause … “I guess that makes us cousins”
Her: [with a rather sarcastic smile] “Yep”
I die a little inside, make up some lame excuse about something I have to do and quickly walk away.  I tried my best to not be seen by her the rest of the day.

Frank – Earth

where's hong kong?
Apr 21st, 2010 by micah the admin

A few years ago my family was in Hong Kong. We had taken the metro from one side of town to the other, on our way to the mall. We were told that once we got off the metro we were to look for Hong Kong Station, go up an escalator, and then we’d be at the mall. We had been walking for a while with no luck. So I decided to ask for directions. I went up to a lady who worked there and said, ‘Excuse me, where’s Hong Kong?” She tried to keep a straight face, and my family started laughing at me. I quickly continued, “Station! Where’s Hong Kong Station!”
I felt like a complete idiot and my family teased me the whole day. But, we did find Hong Kong Station!

Amelia – Brazil

I…I…I…I gotta go!!
Apr 21st, 2010 by micah the admin

When I was 14, I met this guy at a church camp.
I thought he was very sweet but I did not reciprocate the feelings he had for me. He would give me chocolates and gave me this plastic necklace with an ‘A’ on it for my name. He also wrote me a sort-of love letter. I was freaking out. He was my first pursuer.
Somehow he got my phone number and started calling me. He would call me collect, so my parents were paying for a phone call I did not want to take. Once he even called me at 11 PM, which made my parents pretty upset.
I remember pretty well the last time he called me. We talked for a minute or so and then he said those six words a lot of people dread: I need to tell you something. I got really nervous.
This is how our conversation went after that:
“It’s like this…… I… I… I…”
“You…?”
“I li… I li… I…”
Silence.
“I, I gotta go!”
“Me too!”

I feel so bad for him now. I say he was the first person to tell me that he liked me, even though he never actually got to say it.

Amelia – Somewhere

the children's dressing room
Apr 20th, 2010 by micah the admin

First of all, I am a pretty short person and I have a young face. My whole life people have thought I was younger than I actually am. So when I was about 15, my mom and I were shopping and I went to try on some clothes. In this store, they had a section for women, which split into two sections: one for adults and one for kids. After going through the quick process of getting into the dressing room, she directs me towards the right section that I’d never been to: the kids section. I was very confused. There isn’t a sign that differentiates the two sections, but I could tell it was the kids section by the much smaller stalls and bunches of five year olds with their agitated moms. I hesitated to go there. ‘The kids section? Come on! I’m 15!’ I thought. But she looked at me as if she was thinking ‘Go ahead kid! What are you waiting for?’ I went ahead to the kids section feeling very…awkward. Later I heard my mom calling for me, and I told her where I was. When she walked up, she herself was confused. ‘WHY are you over here?’ After that I was very tempted to make a shirt that said how old I was to wear everywhere I went. People were always acting as if I was kid!

Amelia – Somewhere

ummm…why are you calling me?
Apr 18th, 2010 by micah the admin

In first grade I was friends with a girl that we will call Candice. First grade. We went to the same school pretty much for the next nine years and never spoke to each other. I’d see her in passing and would hear random bits about her, but that’s it. One night when I was a sophomore in high school the phone rang. My dad answered, “who? Candice? Micah, it’s for you. It’s someone named Candice White.” My dad smiled at me in a sort of wink wink way. I wondered why on earth Candice White would be calling me. She had become popular and was in a serious/crazy relationship with a guy in the very popular jock crowd and only just recovering from another crazy/serious relationship with another guy just like him. Everyone knew about it. I took the phone anyway, held my breath and answered. “Ummm…hi?”

“Hey, Micah,” she said with a way too excited peppy voice.

“Hi.”

“Do you know who this is?”

“Yes. What’s going on?”

“I just wanted to talk.”

“Ummm…ok. Why are you calling me?”

“I was just thinking that we should start talking.”

“Ok…”

Realizing this was some strange attempt at asking me out, I went on to explain to her that I was intentionally not dating anyone and not going to. I had my heart set on Beth the Other Admin already. She responded with a few more sentences about how we should talk more. We never talked. We should just say “hey” and stuff in the hallways at school. Whatever. I said, “Ok…I guess.” The awkwardness continued for a month or two after this. We would see each other in the halls at school and say “hey” or “hi.” I tried to smile, but it was always a little creepy, and I was always slightly afraid of her two angry yet very cool jock boyfriends.

Micah the Admin

a summer camp story
Apr 14th, 2010 by micah the admin

I went to a 5 day / 4 night Girl Scouts (Girl Guides) summer camp when I was 8. All the counselors had nature names like Rocky and Squirrel. (Yes, I remember such trivial details!)

The camp had a swimming pool, so all the girls went for a swimming lesson. I had no idea we were supposed to change in our tents first, but I somehow managed to get my swimsuit on without any of the high-school/college counselor boys seeing. As we picked up our clothes to head back afterwards, one guy asked whose…errrm…underwear was sitting on the rail, in full view of everyone within 100 feet. Yup. I meekly retrieved it and was embarrassed the rest of the day!

Susie – MN

mistaken identity
Apr 14th, 2010 by micah the admin

I saw a little girl in a store once who looked a lot like my sister, Kate, did at age five.  Without even thinking about it, I  patted her on the top of her head and said: “Hi, Katie!”.  I nearly yelled when she turned around and wasn’t my sister.  To make things even weirder, my sister hadn’t been five in quite some time, say, ten years!  The little girl was perfectly fine with the case of mistaken identity.  Her mother, on the other hand, looked at me rather askance, especially when I tried to explain that I’d mistaken her daughter for my little sister who was now fifteen!

Rachel – NH

it's pat!
Apr 14th, 2010 by micah the admin

When I was a teenager I went to a Summer camp. The first night we had a big get together where everyone could get to know each other really quickly. The staff told us to go find someone in the room who we did not know at all. We would ask them some questions and then introduce that person to the rest of the group. I was too nice sometimes. I saw this person who was sitting all alone. I had never met them, and clearly no one was going that direction, so I did. I shook hands and realized that I couldn’t tell if this was a girl or a boy. No problem…they had to have a name. I asked. The response: some made up name of gender neutral syllables. Oh no. The voice was even kinda ambiguously monotone. I was getting really nervous. I had to present the person to the room, but how do you do that without gender specific pronouns? I pressed in with my awesome problem solving skills. I needed gender specific questions. I tried asking things about hobbies and likes that might help or produce a long winded answer with some clear gender clues. Maybe she liked horses? Maybe he played football? Nope. We had like thirty more seconds, and I could only get one or two word answers. Yes, this person loved their mom. Hmm…this person likes music. Yep. I’m stuck. My last chance was that the staff would reveal it as we walked up with a “these two boys are next.” or “Micah from South Carolina and a new girl from Texas!” No such luck. I stumbled through as quickly as possible trying to be funny to cover it up. “This person’s name is ______. They like music and love their mom!” It worked. I had offended no one. At worst, I sounded like a moron, but moron is better than jerk. I found out a day or two later that she was a girl. We never became friends.

Micah the Admin

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