I am a video editor and my job sometime requires me to work on location. A few weeks back, I was working on site at a country club in Palm Desert, CA. It had been a long day, and I was preparing to wrap things up so I could head home. I made a quick stop into the men’s restroom which was connected to the Country Club’s locker room. When I swung the door open, I was shocked to see a semi-short, pot bellied man in his late 50s standing in the middle of the room completely naked! I told myself, “Hey, it’s a locker room, it’s normal” and I proceded to walk towards the toilet stalls. As I passed him, I for some reason felt the need to be polite and said hello. Big mistake!
The guy took my greeting as an invitation that I wanted to talk. (I didn’t) He proceeded to tell me stories about back in the day when he was a driver in Hollywood. (I didn’t really care) He told me how he made great money back then, but you can’t make money like that any more… all the while, he was moving closer and closer to me until he was a couple of feet away from me, and all the while he was completely naked (well, not completely… I’m pretty sure he was wearing sox and tennis shoes for some reason).
Needless to say, it was really awkward!
Michael – CA
My in-laws appear to be very reserved people and quite frankly they intimidate me. When my husband suggested last August that we skinny dip in broad daylight in the river behind his parents’ house, I was horrified. Their driveway winds past one of the bends in the river and I knew they could drive past at any moment. I wasn’t about to let them see my bare backside on our family vacation. However, after my husband stripped down, I finally consented on one condition: we walk upstream to a more secluded area. He agreed and instead of donning his clothes for the hike like I assumed he would, he began strolling along the river bank buck naked with nothing but his river shoes on.
I followed him a safe 200 yards behind, hoping I could at least feign ignorance, forgetting I was carrying his clothes under my arm. We were almost safe around the river bend when I heard the sound that echoes terror in my mind to this day: a honking car horn. I whirled around to see my in-laws, who had paused in their driveway to wave at their wayward offspring. I stood there, dumbfounded, holding my husband’s clothes, and could not even bring myself to wave and possibly distract them from seeing their flasher son in the distance.
After about a thousand suns rose and set, they drove on, having had their fill. I prayed with all that was in me that my husband had made it around the bend in the creek. To my horror, my husband was still standing there, sun gleaming off his winter white body. He told me his only response to his parents was to wave proudly over his shoulder as his strolled on! To make matters worse, he still wanted to swim. He figured the worst was over, his parents saw him. So he continued up the creek to the “abandoned” foreclosed home next door to skinny dip in the former neighbor’s share of their creek. Not a minute later I see him running full tilt toward me, naked as a jaybird, a look of glee and shock on his face. “There have realtors there! They’re showing the house!”
It was one of the most awkward moments of my life facing his parents that night at dinner. Thankfully, they laughed it off. I would have thought we’d be ex-communicated! Next time my husband asks me to skinny dip, I’m waiting for twelve o’clock midnight.
Brittany – Somewhere
A few years ago I had a group of friends that would hang out all the time. We became pretty comfortable with each other and so our humor took some strange turns. One of the things my wife and I decided was funny was my belly. I’ve always had a bit of a beer belly. I would do this thing where I’d lift up my shirt and make my hands like antlers on each side of my chest. It made a funny resemblance to a moose. People would always laugh. Beth would also wait til I was talking to someone, come up behind me and lift up my shirt randomly. This also made people laugh. Usually.
One night one of our friends’ sister came over to the house we were at. We didn’t really know her, but she seemed comfortable with our rambunctious group. I was having a semi-formal talk with her and her brother just trying to get to know them both better. Beth came up behind me and WHAM! My shirt was lifted up for the new girl. I realized this wasn’t the right setting. Beth apparently did not. The girl looked at us with a mix of horror, discomfort and disgust. There was about a twenty second awkward silence until our little conversation disbanded. I’m pretty sure we never saw her again. Not once.
Micah the Admin
About four or five years ago my sister asked me to go swimming with her and my nephew, I wasn’t that keen I’m not big on swimming pools and I had no costume but he was so excited and he was only about one or two at the time so I agreed, I was thinking, ok I’ll get a costume the day before. Typical to form I didn’t get a costume and the next morning she came round, I thought I could make excuses and get out of it but she was adamant that I go with her, so we started hoking through my drawers and she pulled out this white patterned string bikini that I had bought for holiday and never worn, I was like NO WAY! but in the house, standing in my clothes somehow it seemed like it would be ok so I packed it up and we set off, it wasn’t until I actually got into the changing room, put it on and went out to the swimming pool that I actually realised how awful it was. Everyone else was in swimsuits and bodysuits and I was standing there ghostly white with a white string bikini on, like I mean across the cleavage was just two triangles so you could see all around each bosom and it was tied around the back with a string and the bottoms were just two small triangles tied at the hips with string….I actually could not have felt worse if I was nude, I mean this is ok if you live in Miami but this is Northern Ireland, people just don’t go to swimming pools in bikinis, but there was nothing to do so I just quickly got in the water, I’m not being paranoid when I say that people were staring, a couple were even embarassedly sniggering and I kept bobbing under the water trying to hide, eventually I was like, I have to get out of here, so I took a deep breath and started climbing out of the water, I had to walk the whole way round the pool to get back to the changing rooms covering my modesty because the bikini had gone a translucent grey colour in the water……to make it the ultimate cringefest there was a man there taking swimming lessons who was a regular in the coffee shop I worked in, he came in EVERY day, the next day I was working he sat at the bench beside my section and I all I could think about was….Oh my, this guy has practically seen me nude….cringe, CRINGE, CRINGE!!!!!
Tanya – Belfast
I’m a physician assistant in dermatology. One day I walked into an exam room to see a patient who was there for an upper body exam. After introducing myself, I walked to the computer to look at his chart and I stated, “Go ahead and remove your shirt.” To which he replied, “You first.” I looked at him for a while since it didn’t register to me what he was saying. He then repeated the statement as it clicked in my brain what he was talking about. It must’ve been the confused/disgusted look on my face that made him state, “Sorry, bad joke.”
Amanda – Somewhere
When I was a preteen I went skinny dipping with my older sister and a friend at the PUBLIC town boat dock in broad daylight. I felt safe as I was clutching my suit and a floating inner tube figuring that if anyone came I could slip into my suit without anyone being the wiser. A boat approached us and slowed as if to pull up to the dock. No problem, I’ll just duck into the tube and slip into my suit, I thought. Hmmm, I’d never tried to put on a wet suit with one arm before. It was an impossible task and the boat was drawing closer and closer. I shot out of the water and up the bank to hid behind some trees where I finally got that dang suit on but not before they saw my white tush streak up the bank I’m sure!
I don’t think I’ve ever heard the end of that one and my skinny dipping days were over before they really even began. The boat wasn’t even stopping to dock, they had only slowed because they saw swimmers. Oh, my aching pride.
Kate – NH